The main point you are making is education is central to how national identity has evolved in Brazil in a gendered, sexualised and racialised manner.
-first argument is- national identity in Brazil is gendered racialised and sexualised
-your second argument is- education has played a crucial role in building that as such
-your third argument is- when we look at the current phenomenon Bolsonarismo we find how central this particular form of national identity and education have been to it
Okay. So yes education is important, national identities are gendered racialised and sexualised and Bolsonarismo shows how actually the both of them are very close and interconnected.
But one paragraph after another sometimes there is no link between them. Okay, they read like you say, Okay, according to Natasha so-and-so, Eduarda argues this. This is very important in South Africa, and the connection. It almost looks like- you’ve done your research, you write you make notes and you write in your own words, but there’s no flow in the chapters. So research is there, although you could use more research as you’ve highlighted in your X-ray document, you need more but there has to be flow. Well, right. So for me to it was very difficult to give the special comment because there was no flow. So what it’s like in okay, why do you jump from this to that, this to that, it’s like you’re jumping
Okay, I you have to make it clear why are you saying something after saying something else and when you write you have to think of the reader not yourself right. Now, you’re telling the story, so you tell this and it is convincingly.